I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
