Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
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Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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