Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
