I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
