Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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