I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
