HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
