I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
