I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
