Say something about gay babies.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
