Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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