News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
