Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
