you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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