He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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