just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
