the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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