last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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