Having a random hookup so left but love u
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
