Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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