he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
