I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
sex in a hospital.. check
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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