remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
