Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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