I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
