mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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