Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
