I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
