no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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