remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
