Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
