my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize