this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
