there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize