mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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