its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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