But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
