I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
