Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
