Someone shit on the floor
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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