I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
