Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions