I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.