I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.