what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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