so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
