Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
