while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
