he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
