I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
