you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
