You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
