My liver just broke up with me...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
too bad you live with your parents still
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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