i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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