i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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