I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
