Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Someone shit on the floor
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
