I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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