sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
