Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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