hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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