Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
