i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
