Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
