Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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