thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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