I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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